Le Sequoit

God's Money Machine

Maybe this should be an item for the old millennium time capsule. Was flipping through the buttons on the radio the other day and I heard the words, "...and prosper financially according to Jesus Christ's plan..." Well, I do have a religious channel on one of the preset banks, always a good idea to keep track of one's potential inquisitors, eh? I had stumbled upon Moneymatters, a syndicated show put out by the Crown Financial Ministries. Here's their mission statement:

They sell books, lots of books. They sell CD's and DVD's and T-shirts and just about anything you can think of. They'll come to your church, hold a seminar, sell you the speaker and take a cut from the spoken to. Then they'll ask for a donation so's they can gas up the $400,000 God mobile and head on down to the next stop.

For a mere $149.00 I can attend the "Business by the Book" seminar and learn answers to those nagging questions:

• How can I determine the purpose of my work/business?
• What should be our relationship to our employees?
• How can we operate our businesses with integrity?
• How can I collect biblically what is due?
• How can I determine godly long-range goals?
• Should Christians be involved in partnerships?
• How and when should I lend money and/or extend credit?
• How can I compete and honor God?
• What role should my spouse play?
• How can I create a biblically based corporate culture?
  

I particularly was wondering how to collect "biblically" what is due and perhaps I should kick in the extra $40 spousal fee so my wife can get straight from the horse's angel's mouth what her role should be in all of this. You can download the map to financial freedom if you like, that only requires your registering and getting spam for the rest of your account's life.

Not much of generated funds goes anywhere, according to Ministrywatch.com. A full 56% of expenses are related to putting Moneymatters on the air, and there's not much left after other "miscellaneous" ministerial expenses for Crown to fund the "Great Commission". That's up those good Christians who finish the course, chase out the moneychangers and get their life in order.

Then they can help fund more book publishers, pharmaceutical houses, food processors, transportation companies and the myriad of other good "biblically based" corporations enthusiastically supporting the global evangelical mission, each with it's own mission statement, volunteers, and underpaid staff sworn to such mission statements as a condition of employment.

Thinking about the self-serving circularity of this flow and all those massive churches and Bible schools popping up all over the suburbs and one begins to see the enormity of the Christian Financial Empire, built for Christians by Christians, the exclusivity of which is unashamedly held.

If you're "growing in the walk" you can head off to Singapore or Taiwan and recruit people for Crown cells. Later, follow up teams will swoop down and organize these recruits to do the same and so on and so on. Just like Avon only it's "Jesus calling" (and all the money goes up the chain).

God's financial plan? More like Mary Kay's, except no car.

posted by sequoit @ 9:29 PM